nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
