3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
