overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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