New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
