That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
