I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize