Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Randomize
