im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
