my being single is dangerous.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
