You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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