Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
