Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
