I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
