i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
