So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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