Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize