kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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