sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Randomize
