he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
