i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
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I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
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If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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