wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
