I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
