she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
