I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
