Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
