I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
