At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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