Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
