i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
