This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
