I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
