I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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