I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
