that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
