It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
