batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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