how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
