no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
