when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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