I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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