What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
