I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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