my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
