so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
