I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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