Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I checked into jail on foursquare
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
