bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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