Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
