another moral hangover. fuck.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
