Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
