before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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