I just threw up on my dentist
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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