my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
