I feel great
I just peed on a car
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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