watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
