You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
