Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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