Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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