We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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