My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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