she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
