Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
