She is in my trunk
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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