even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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