It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
